Phua Xiong
Family of Ethnicity - Hmong
Introduction: When and Why the First Family Members Came to the U.S.
I may have black hair and brown eyes, but it is embedded in Hmong folklores that we once had blond hair and blue eyes. There are stories of far off places where there once lived generations of Hmong Kings and Queens. Nobody knows where and when the history of the Hmong began. Some believe that it all began somewhere in China or Siberia or Mongolia or in present day America (Asian American Almanac). My family's story begins in Laos. We lived in a small village called Xaab Xoj. My mother and father lived the quiet lives of farmers. Growing up, they were expected to follow tradition - marry well and have babies. To ensure that, my mother and father had an arranged marriage agreed upon by their parents. My mother was 16 and my father was 23 when they got married in 1970. Initially, their marriage was based on mutual respect. But throughout the years, it has grown into love. My parents had two sons and then me. I was born in 1977 and in that year, a chain of events began that brought my family to the United States.
In 1975, the fall of South Vietnam's government forced my parents to flee the country of their birthplace. With the aid of the United States, the Lao government was able to fight off the communist guerillas of Laos, the Pathet Lao, who were allies with North Vietnam. But after the United States withdrew, that support was no longer there and the Lao government eventually crumbled. A communist government emerged in Laos, the Lao People's Democratic Republic (Asian American Almanac). This left many anti-communists vulnerable for persecution without the backing of a powerful government. In 1977, I was only two months old when my parents began their dangerous journey through the jungles of Laos, across the Mekong River and into the refugee camps of Thailand. They feared retaliation because the Hmong helped the United States during the Vietnam War since many Hmong soldiers, recruited by the United States CIA, fought to preserve the non-communist regime in South Vietnam (Asian American Encyclopedia). My parents made the journey only at night because if they were caught trying to escape, the consequences would be far too great. My family made it safely to Thailand. However, my parents knew of some families who did not survive the journey. My family lived in the refugee camp for three years before they were able to come to the United States.
In 1980, we had to learn how to live life in a different way in the United States. Before then, the only thing my parents knew was a life of agriculture. They had their own unique language, culture and way of life that defined them. My parents were faced with the hard decision of leaving for an unknown place or staying behind and facing an even greater unknown. Although it was hard to leave family behind, they boldly came to the United States to see what awaited them. My family came to the United States as refugees under the seventh preference (Reimers). My family landed in St. Paul, Minnesota during the winter and we were ill-prepared because we never had to experience harshly cold weather back in Laos and Thailand. The assimilation was a little easier because there were already extended family members there that immigrated earlier. A paternal uncle and his family helped my parents get situated in their new environment. We had to learn how to use an oven, a refrigerator and flushable toilets. But, the hardest challenge was learning and understanding the English language. My parents never had a formal education back in Laos because education was a privilege, a privilege they did not have. But here in the U.S., my father was immediately enrolled in an English class and soon after got a job as a janitor through a job placement service. My father did not make enough money, so my family also received government assistance (Criddle). As recent immigrants to the United States, my family qualified for government assistant under the Refugee Cash Assistance program (Kibria). Government assistant existed in the forms of English classes, job counseling, medical assistance and income support. In the 1980s, under the Reagan administration, government assistance for new immigrants was cut off after three years. In 1982, government assistance was reduced from 36 months to 18 months (Kibria). It was a hard life for my family. Then talks of moving to be reunited with family members started resurfacing. Many of my paternal relatives had immigrated or migrated to the central valley of California where it had warm weather and rich farm land, a place that was similar to the agricultural society they knew in Laos. My parents looked at all of their options and then decided that moving to Wisconsin would be better for the family because they heard that there was still government assistance in Wisconsin. So, in 1982, my family migrated yet again.
Due to their lack of education, limited English and job skills, my parents were unable to find work in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. For fifteen years, from 1980 to 1995, my family relied on a state funding program in Wisconsin called Aid to Families with Depended Children or AFDC (Kibria). Since my parents were unable to work and had no job skills, my family was eligible for this program. Similar to Refugee Cash Assistant, AFDC is provided by the state for low-income families (Kibria). A family is eligible if they meet the standards for a low-income family with dependent children. When my family was living in Minnesota, we qualified for the federal assistance program. In Wisconsin, we were eligible for AFDC (Kibria). My parents were unable to make a quick assimilation into the American culture and were not able to pursue the American dream. My childhood was spent in the housing projects of Milwaukee and from time to time, my family faced discrimination from our neighbors. Most of my antagonists were African Americans who were also part of the community. Some kids would wait behind buildings as my siblings and I walked by to beat us up. Other times, our antagonists would chant "ching-chong-chong," make facial expressions that they thought were representative of us, and call us names. Yet my parents never gave up their dream of a better life in America.
In the early 1990s, in Wisconsin welfare reforms were taking shape. Under former Governor Tommy Thompson, job skill programs were set up to get people off welfare and into the workforce. American employers were also encouraged to hire Hmong employees. The Laotian Community Center in Milwaukee conducted classes for Hmong men and women to learn job skills taught by Hmong instructors. My parents enrolled in a night class that taught them how to put together mechanical parts that were used in cars and other machines. After several months, my parents graduated from the program and got their certificate of completion. It was a joyous moment for them. At that time, some Hmong job placement services were set up. After more than a decade of struggling, a Hmong American community emerged in Milwaukee. This resulted in outreach programs to other Hmongs who have not been able to assimilate. Through these agencies, they were able to place my parents into company jobs. After 15 years in the United States, in 1995, my parents were finally employed and on their way to being taxpayers.
It has been more than two decades since my family immigrated to the United States. I am here today because my parents made that conscious decision to take a chance on a new beginning. It took a war for my parents to get here, but I feel that without that war, I would not have been given the same opportunities I do today in the United States if I was still in Laos. My parents still remember their life in Laos, but they know that it is a thing of the past and they could never go back to live there. Their life is now in the United States. My parents are still working hard to provide for their family. They still want their children to marry well and have babies. However, along with that dream, they want us to be educated, strong and self-sufficient beings.
#3: Family Related Topic: Modified Small Producer Family to Dual Wage Family
Sources Used: Glenn (1983); Kibria (1993); The Asian American Almanac (1995)My family is unlike the "average" American family. We are a part of the large wave of Hmong immigrants who entered the United States in the early 1980s. In November of 1980, my family immigrated to the United States as a result of the Vietnam War in Southeast Asia (Asian American Almanac). As recent immigrants to the United States, my parents were unable to find work because they lack training, job skills and the education necessary to enter the work force. When I was growing up, my parents did not work so they were home all the time. Everyday, I would see them before I went to school and I would see them when I came home. However, when I turned 18, in 1995, my parents started working for the first time. As a result, my parents were always working and my younger siblings did not receive the same attention that I did when I was growing up. The shift from a modified small producer family to a dual wage family caused a significant change for my family.
In Evelyn Nakano Glenn's article, Split Household, Small Producer and Dual Wage Earner: An Analysis of Chinese-American Family Strategies, she defined the a small producer family as one with the "close integration of work and family life." (pg. 40) Instead of defining my family as a small producer family as defined by Glenn, I am redefining it as a modified small producer family. My family was similar to a small producer family because there was no division between the home life and work life. My family worked and lived under the same conditions and in the same location. My family is a modified small producer family because we did not run a family business as some of the Chinese American families discussed in Glenn's article. Instead, my family received AFDC (Aid to Families with Dependent Children) from the state of Wisconsin. This was a state funded program that was set up for low-income families. AFDC provides families with a steady income so that the families can provide for their daily needs (Kiberia). From the years 1980 to 1995, my family depended on AFDC as our main source of income. As a result, my parents had a lot of time to raise their children. My parents were also not exposed to the English language on a daily basis; therefore, the main language spoken at home was Hmong. Therefore, the Hmong traditions, language and culture were heavily emphasized. During these years, I learned to fear and respect my parents because I was afraid of disappointing them. Through my parents, I learned to value my family and my education.
According to Glenn, within a small producer family the division of labor was divided by gender and age. As the oldest daughter, I had a lot of responsibilities. By the time that I was 10 years old, my responsibilities included sweeping the floor, washing the dishes and helping my mom take care of my younger siblings. My older brother was the lucky one. He was the "prized" oldest son. He did not have to do housework, but he did help me baby-sit our younger siblings. When I became an adolescent, my parents gave me more responsibilities. My parents expected me to interpret for them during doctor visits, parent-teacher conferences, and something as simple as a short conversation with our neighbors. It became a source of frustration for my parents because I lacked the necessary skills to fully perform the task. My parents were frustrated because I could not understand what they were trying to say. In addition to translating for them, I filled out job applications, school papers, and medical forms. I was given some roles because I was the oldest daughter in the family and some roles were later given to me because I understood and spoke English.
My parents faced numerous obstacles when trying to obtain jobs with adequate pay because they lacked the skills, training and education; therefore, they heavily stressed the importance of education. My parents felt that education was the way to success and high paying careers. As Glenn stated, "Education was stressed, so that the children's time was fully occupied by studying, working and caring for younger siblings." (pg. 40) My siblings and I were not allowed to miss a day of school unless we were sick. My parents would try to help us with our homework in the best way that they could. The three oldest children in my family grew up from attending public schools in the inner city of Milwaukee. As our younger siblings attended schools in the suburbs of Milwaukee, in a small city call New Berlin that consisted mostly of rich, middle class, white families. The suburbs school system opened their school enrollments to inner city students as a way to diversify the student body population. My parents felt that by going to a school with Whites as the dominant student body, it would help to enrich the education of my younger siblings. They also believed that the outside school system was better than the inner city school system. My parents did what they thought was best in order for their children to succeed in receiving the best education possible.
After 16 years in the United States, in 1995, my parents started working full time and the dynamics of my family started to change. My family moved from a modified small producer family to a dual wage family. According to Glenn, in a dual wage family, both husband and wife pool resources in order to adequately support their family. Both of my parents had to work because my family could not survive on a single income. My parents both worked at Kelch Corporation, where they still work today. Kelch Corporation specializes in making fuel tanks, gases, gauges and sensors to prevent fluid leakages. They work on the assembly line inspecting parts to make sure that there are no defects. It was convenient that they work at the same place because they could car pool and they could help each other. At the time, the only positions opened were during the swing shift. Therefore, my parents did not get home until midnight and when they did, they were so tired that they went to sleep. In the morning, we did not see them because they were too tired to get up. There were times when we only saw them on the weekend. As a result, my younger siblings did not receive much attention from them. This lack of attention resulted in my younger siblings being more self-reliant and, in some cases, more rebellious and delinquent. This enforced Glenn's statement that "The parents' fatigue, the long hours of separation and the lack of common experiences combine to undermine communication." (pg. 42) It was a good thing that my parents no longer depended on government assistance and were able to provide for their family, but this independence came at a cost of the closeness to their family.
Not long after my parents started working, problems with my younger siblings started to emerge. According to Glenn, "The absence of a close-knit family life among dual-worker families has been blamed for the eruption of youth rebellion, delinquency and gang violence.." (pg. 43) With my parents working all the time, there was no adult supervision after school and sometimes on the weekend when my parents had to work overtime. My siblings and I were left to fend for ourselves. My parents depended upon me and my other siblings to take care of the younger siblings. At this time, my younger sisters L and M were approaching their adolescent years and were in need of parental guidance. Since my parents were working all the time, they could not control what their children did after school. My younger sisters got involved with the wrong crowd at their high school. They started skipping school and hanging out with boys. They started smoking and drinking. Not only were my younger sisters' delinquent, but not long after, my younger brothers J and T were too. J and T were not only involved with the wrong crowd, where they were smoking and drinking, but they got in trouble with the law for stealing cars. J was caught stealing a car and sent to juvenile hall for 6 months at the age of 15. J was re-sent to juvenile hall for another 6 months because he did not showed up for his court date. T broke his right femur when he and his friends tried stealing a car and got into an accident. Even after the extensive pain and recovery period, this did not stop T from returning to his illegal activities. This caused a rift between my parents and my younger siblings. My parents thought that by working they would be able to give their family what they could not before; however, it resulted into a source of frustration for them.
When my family first came to the United States, we started out as a modified small producer family. It took some time, but we slowly evolved to be a dual wage family and it has not been easy. However, despite all of the obstacles that my family has gone through, we are still a close-knit family. Even though, we are no longer a modified small producer family, we will not ever fully be a dual wage family as Glenn described. Growing up in a family of 12 and with our parents working all the time, we learned that it was important for us to be there for one another. It was important because with a large family, one can easily get lost in the crowd.
#4: Family Related Topic: Growing up Hmong-American:
Three Cohorts of Children
Sources Used: Michaels (1985); Espiritu (2003); Kibria (1993)When I am meeting someone for the first time, I am often asked about my ethnicity and place of origin. I would automatically reply, "Wisconsin." Now I reply, "I lived in Wisconsin, but now am a resident of California." However, often times, I would reply, "My family emigrated from Laos to the United States." This usually leads into where Laos is on the map and why my ethnicity is not Laotian, but Hmong. The Hmong people lived in the mountainous regions of Laos; however, they identified themselves separately from the Laotian people. It is still hard for me to adequately identify myself with a particular ethnicity at times. My siblings and I grew up living in two conflicting cultures. One is Hmong and the other is American. We grew up wanting to please our parents and at the same time, wanting to please ourselves. For my parents, it was a constant struggle to teach us Hmong traditions yet at the same time wanting us to assimilate into the American culture. This resulted in mixed messages on what is meant to be Hmong-American for my siblings and me. While the oldest children managed to maintain some aspects of the Hmong culture, the middle children are fighting to be Hmong-Americans, and the younger children are Americans without the Hmong.
Since my older brother, my younger sister X and I were the three oldest, it was up to us to chart the course for our younger siblings. We are part of the 1.5 generation. Even though, we were not born in the United States, we had the privilege of coming here when we were still very young. My older brother P was six, I was three and my younger sister X was one year old. Since we came to the United States at such young ages, it was easy for us to learn the English language and assimilate into the American culture. But at the same time, we were still deeply rooted in the Hmong culture because of our parents. My two other siblings and I were always told that we are Hmong. We may have spoken English while at schools, but at home the only culture that existed was Hmong. We ate Hmong food, talked to our parents in Hmong and had Hmong friends. During this time, our parents exerted a great amount of control over our personal well-being. As Kibria stated, "Many family elders that I met pinned their hopes for acceptance and prosperity in their adopted society on the future occupational attainments of the young." (pg. 153) It was a huge responsibility for us to carry because we never wanted to disappoint our parents. There were fewer restrictions on my older brother P because he is a male. My younger sister and I were more restricted because we are females. My older brother can go hang out with his friends, whereas, my sisters and I were limited to hanging out at home. Every time that my sisters and I wanted to go out, it was frowned upon because our parents could not understand our need to be somewhere else. This restriction between the male and female children was also observed by Kibria in her study of the Vietnamese American families. My parents thought that what their children did would reflect upon them as parents. From early on, we were taught about the roles that we each held in the household.
The middle children in the family had a rougher time adjusting between the two cultures. They are part of the first generation to be born in the United States. My younger siblings know that they are Hmong. My parents always talked of their homeland and the war that brought them to the United States. However, Laos was a place that my younger siblings knew nothing about and were even less familiar with. Kibria pointed out that the public media and school are equally important factors in influencing the "American ways" of Vietnamese American children. The same goes for my siblings. They grew up watching cartoons, eating McDonalds and most importantly they went to an all white school. Since my younger siblings attended a school that was predominantly white, they had fewer interactions with other Hmong students. Their social environment consisted of other children who were probably raised in a more democratic environment than they were. My siblings started to challenge the attitude of my parents. The three older children were more willing to listen to what our parents wanted, but the middle children wanted to have the same rights as their peers. My parents started to see their challenges as the middle children became delinquent and rebellious teenagers. However, from their perspective, it was because they wanted to be like their peers. They wanted to have fun and to be able to go out. During this time, there was a difference in how my parents and my siblings saw their behaviors. As reported by the Korean families, my parents saw that by growing up in the American culture, my siblings were losing sight of their cultural values (Michaels). My parents were not able to exert as much control over their middle children as they did with the older children.
The three youngest children in the family have no concept of what it means to be Hmong. The culture that they are aware of is American. By this time, the older children have already assimilated well into the American culture and have been able to share that knowledge with the youngest children. The three youngest children can no longer speak Hmong because English has become the main language that is spoken in the home. Hmong is only a language that they hear, but can barely understand and speak it. As one Filipino young adult stated, "Being Filipino was an event, it was going to a party on the weekend with my parents and eating Filipino food, that's when I was Filipino" (Espiritu, pg. 188). For my youngest siblings that has been the extent of their exposure to the Hmong culture. They eat American hot dogs, play video games on their PlayStation 2, watch movies on their DVD player and read Harry Potter. Their physical appearance is that of a Hmong, but on the inside the only culture that they know is American.
Although we all grew up as Hmong in America, some of us are more Hmong than American. In the beginning my parents greatly influenced how my older brother P, my younger sister X and I think and our life experiences. As a result, we grew up learning the Hmong language and culture. The middle children grew up learning the Hmong language and culture. However, they wanted to break away from the Hmong culture and do the same things as their American peers. On the other hand, the youngest children grew up with no concept of what it means to be Hmong. They grew up not knowing much about the Hmong culture and language by speaking only English because they were fluent at a much younger age and are more exposed to the American culture. We are all Hmong-Americans, yet some of us are able to maintain more of our Hmong heritage while some of us cannot.
#5: Family Related Topic: Patrilineal Family Transition to an Egalitarian Family
Sources Used: The Asian American Almanac (1995) pg. 81 - 89; Kibria (1993); Espiritu (2003)The Hmong society is based on a patriarchy system (Asian American Almanac). The importance of the male figurehead is weaved throughout my culture. Within my own home, I have noticed the division between male and female. However, as my family began to be assimilated into the American culture, the importance of the male figurehead began to diminish. It took on the form of the family working together for the good of the family. My family has transitioned from a patrilineal family to an egalitarian family because of the changing roles among the family members and our immigration into the United States.
In my family, my father was looked to as the head of the household by his wife, children and the Hmong society. My siblings and I were taught early on to respect our parents, especially our father as the head of the household. My father was unlike the "traditional" Hmong father because he helped out with the household chores. As a young child, I would go to the Laundromat with my father. This made my father more approachable and less as a figurehead. It was a result of my early years when my mother was sick most of the time. My mother depended upon my father to take care of the household when she was not well. This stripped away the masculinity of my father's role as Espiritu and Kibria discussed in their books. However, the economic dependency upon my father from his children and his wife enforced his role as the male head of the household. Even though he was doing "female labor," it did not diminish his role as the male head because to his family he was contributing to their well-being.
Even though my father was viewed as the head of the household, my mother was the one who controlled the resources. As Kibria has observed from her interviews, the importance of the woman's role has expanded in the United States. In her discussion of the expansion of the woman's household activities, it also applied to my mother. In the United States, my mother had more interactions with the services that were provided by the government. When my parents were not working and receiving AFDC, the check was made out to my mother. Therefore, she had control of the money. When my parents both started working, my mother still controls the finances because she was the one who made the trip to the bank. Not only that, she was in charge of the cooking and child rearing as well. In the Hmong culture, the women hold a lot of power in the family because they are responsible for the household (Asian American Almanac). Whenever my siblings and I got in trouble, it was my mother who would discipline us. My mother's role in childrearing, household work, and finances elevated her role in the family here in the United States.
One important aspect of my family was preserving the family unit and traditions. My mother felt that her role was not to be the breadwinner of the household, but to support her husband who would be the breadwinner. Therefore, like the women in Kibria's book, she sacrificed her own English schooling to stay home with the children while my father attended English classes and vocational training. As a result, my father knows and understands English better than my mother. It was her hope that my father would obtain a job and support the family. It was further supported by Kibria, "Women's support of this system reflected the power that it accorded them as mothers as well as its centrality to the collectivist household economy" (pg. 137). The family unit is especially important because my parents are living in a country that is based on a democratic system.
Growing up, I noticed that there was a difference in how my parents treated my older brother and me. First of all, my parents wanted us to get an education. That was the main focus in our lives. However, that was where our similarities ended. My older brother had more freedom, less restrictions and got away with not doing the household chores. On the other hand, I had to do the household chores, help baby-sit and there were more restrictions on what I can do. When I was applying to go to college, I was not allowed to go far away while my brother was allowed to go wherever he wanted. My freedom to choose was very limited. The good character of the Hmong daughters such as being a good cook, a helpful daughter and a daughter who listens to her parents were very important, similar to the Filipino daughters discussed by Espiritu. Even though my brother had more freedom, it was always understood that he will be the one to take care of our parents when he gets older. In these ways, my parents had a great influence in my life choices.
Unlike the distinct division between my older brother and me, my younger siblings were treated equally whether they were male or female. This resulted from the fact that my parents did not have any sons until 1986. They had to face the reality that my older brother might be the only male child in the family. Therefore, they started to focus their attention on their daughters. As Kibria discussed in her book, the focus is on the success of the all children. My younger sisters did not have to help out around the house as much, but they were to focus on their education. As a result, my younger sisters do not follow the Hmong traditions and are more Americanized. When my younger brothers were born, my parents saw new hope in their family line. My father was so happy when my first younger brother was born. As my parents saw new hope for their family, it was to the benefit of my sisters that they were treated no different from the younger sons in the family.
In my family, we work together as a unit for the good of the family. My father helped out with the household work, even though, it could have undermined his masculinity and role as the head of house. My mother expanded her influence from inside the house to outside resources. My mother also sacrificed her own aspirations so that my father could be the breadwinner for the family. My older brother and I were treated differently because he was the oldest son and I was the oldest daughter. However, this treatment did not extend to our younger siblings. Our ancestors may have lived in a patriarchal society, and my family may still follow that model because it helps my parent to hold their authority over their children. Over the years that they have lived in the United States, my parents have become less restrictive in the choices made by their children. My parents gave the same opportunities to all their children because they saw hope in their children.
Bibliography
1. Glenn, Evelyn Nakano. Split Household, Small Producer and Dual Wage Earner: An Analysis of Chinese-American Family Strategies. Journal of Marriage and the Family, February 19832. The Asian American Almanac. Who Are the Hmong Americans? (1995)
3. The Asian American Encyclopedia. Hmong (1995)
4. Michaels, Marguerite. Where the Family Comes First. Parade Magazine, June 1985
5. Reimers, David M. Still the Golden Door: The Third World Comes To America. Columbia University Press, New York, 19926. Espiritu, Yen Le. Home Bound. University of California Press. Berkley, CA, 2003
7. Kibria, Nazli. Family Tightrope. Princeton University Press. Princeton, New Jersey, 1993